Always
by MilyMB
Summary: Always. There are some things in this world you just can't change. Sirius Black is one of them.


1**Disclaimer: I don't own anything J.K. Rowling has created. **

**A/n: Hey guys. I know this story is dark, and it may seem sick to some others, but I just wanted to show you all that eating disorders are real, and they do happen to everyone, even boys. I also realize that Mr. And Mrs. Black may seem sick, but remember, it's them who are sick, not me, and not Sirius. I hope you all enjoy, and I love all comments, good or bad. Thanks!**

** 3 MilyMB 3**

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_One, two, three!_ Sirius jammed his finger down his throat until he felt the bile building up. He let his food from earlier wash up out of him and into the grungy toilet bowl in front of him.

His cheeks were wet with tears that he didn't realize had fallen, and he wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

Sirius sat there, on his knees, for a few seconds, looking at the slushy remains from his dinner. Suddenly, he sat back, his back against the stone wall, and shook with suppressed sobs. He was sweating and shaking, but he couldn't stop that. He had learned a long time ago that it was best to just let his body shake all it wanted.

He abruptly shot one of his arms up and grabbed the serpent shaped towel rack above his head. He pulled himself up slowly, and leaned against the wall for a few minutes resting. He was so tired. . .his eyes started to close. . . _No! I need to wake up! Keep going, don't let this get to you, Sirius!_ He thought to himself. His eyes shot back open and he shakily walked towards the sink to rinse out his mouth.

If Sirius's parents ever found out about his throwing up, they would be ecstatic. He didn't think he could handle seeing the smug look on his mother's face when she found how just how much her vicious words affected him.

He rinsed his mouth out after brushing thoroughly twice. Then he pulled out a bottle of mouthwash he had hidden under the sink, and took a huge sip. Once he had sloshed the stuff around his mouth for a minute, he spit it out in the sink and rinsed his mouth out with water.

He smelled his breath, and once he deemed it good enough, walked out into the dark hallway. He ran head first into his father.

The older man smirked down at him. "Just been freshening up, huh, Sirius?" He chuckled sadistically, and his smirk widened.

"Yes, sir." Sirius said, avoiding his father's eyes.

Mr. Black gave him a knowing look before continuing down the hallway. Sirius sighed. His father knew. Now he would tell his mother, who would gladly make this even worse for him.

If Walburga Black was to ever find out that her eldest son, heir to the Black Family, and her _beloved_ black sheep, was a bulimic, she would never let him hear the end of it. She would figure out just what to say to keep digging, and digging, until his condition was so bad that he could never stop and he was in the hospital dying, and Regulus could become the next heir. Oh, how she'd love that.

Sirius shakily walked down the hallway, past the elf heads, and into his room. He didn't bother turning on a light or changing his clothes before he threw himself onto his unmade bed. He lay there thinking about how messed up all of this was. How he should have never listened to his mother's comments on his body, and how he was acting like a little girl. _After all, boys don't have eating disorders. That's what girls do. I mean, who's ever heard of a boy with bulimia? _Sirius thought to himself.

His entire body tensed up as he heard fast footsteps approaching his doorsteps. He heard the clicking of high heels on the wood of the hallway, and knew it was his mother. His father must have told her what Sirius had been doing in the bathroom.

Sirius panicked as the handle to his door turned. He was so tired, and so sick of his mother's taunts. He just wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep-

The door opened and in walked his mother with a smirk identical to his father's on her face. Sirius sat up as she shut the door quietly behind her.

It was quiet for a few moments, while the two just stared at each other. Mrs. Black broke the silence quickly and wasted no time using Sirius's pain to her advantage.

"Are we feeling a little _sick to our stomachs,_ Sirius? You're father told me you were in the bathroom for quite a while." Mrs. Black said, her pale face alight with malicious glee.

Sirius struggled to come up with a believable excuse. "I was feeling sick, yes. I don't know why." _Wow, she's going to buy that._ He thought sarcastically to himself.

Her smirk widened and she came to sit next to him on the bed. She reached out and grabbed his hand gently. This would have been seen as a loving motion, but Sirius knew better then that. Nothing his mother ever did to him was ever loving.

"How much are you weighing these days, Sirius? It doesn't really matter, I've just noticed that you seem to have gained some extra weight and I was wondering why you weren't losing it." Of course none of this was true, Sirius was perfect, if not underweight, but Mrs. Black knew this was the way to get him worse. She knew that he thought of himself as overweight, and by telling him he was, his condition would only worsen.

Sirius's eyes showed his hurt, before he tried to cover it up unsuccessfully. He opened his mouth to try to speak, but his mother cut him off. She squeezed his hand, hard, and let go of it, standing up to leave.

"No matter, I guess we'll just have to get used to the idea that our son is overweight." She pretended to shudder, and said with a smirk, "Good night, Sirius. I hope you can still fit into your pajamas."

Mrs. Black left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Sirius let a few tears slip down his face, before he fell asleep. His mother was right. She was always right.

Hating her wasn't going to change the fact that he was overweight.

Hating her wasn't going to change the fact that he was disgusting.

And hating her surely wasn't going to change the fact that he was a good for nothing, bulimic, who just happened to be a boy.

**A/n: What do you think? Good, bad? Please let me know in a review. 3**


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